You’re Not as Jacked as You Think You Are

So, I actually posted this on my old design blog awhile back, and seeing how it doesn’t relate at all to design but relates to everything we discuss here, I figured I’d repost it. See what I did there? Putting 2 and 2 together.

Behold: My ultimate list of pet peeves at the gym. Feel free to add your own!

1.) Excessive Grunting and Wincing.
I KNOW everyone has witnessed someone doing this- the exaggerated facial expressions and weird grunting noises coming from some meathead who clearly spent more time in the tanning booth than he did in school. “OMG IS EVERYONE NOTICING HOW STRONG I AM AND HOW HEAVY THESE WEIGHTS ARE THAT I’M LIFTING?? RAWWWRRR!!” No dude, everyone is just noticing that you are a huge JACKASS and should probably lower the weights so you don’t hurt yourself (not that anyone would care if you did). I’m all for pushing yourself at the gym, but if you’re struggling THAT much, just go down 10 lbs. Duh.

2.) Weighing yourself after EVERY set.
No joke, I’ve seen multiple people do this. Crank out a few heavy reps and then go over and weigh themselves. They can’t even see the numbers on the scale because their muscles have INSTANTLY bulged out everywhere! It’s like magic!

3.) Flexing in the mirror after every set.
If anyone knows of an ab workout that immediately gives you a 6 pack 30 seconds after you finish the workout, please feel free to share. Otherwise, please pull your shirt back down and refrain from doing the Arnold poses in the mirror. You look like a tool.

4.) Women who wear lifting belts/gloves when lifting 5 lb weights.
I’m pretty sure it goes without saying that men don’t want to see a chick strutting around the gym wearing a big lifting belt (I could be wrong though?) Especially when YOU ARE ONLY LIFTING 10 POUNDS. I hate when I see women strutting around, looking all MACHO wearing one, and then get all excessive with the grunts and winces as they do 10 lb. curls. Also, if you think you’re that tough, take off your gloves and get some calluses on those manicured hands.

5.) Dancing/Swaying on the Elliptical.
It’s a MACHINE, not a GD Zumba class. Please stop dancing and bopping around singing to yourself. (disclaimer: I have done this before, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying!!!)

6.) Wearing a winter hat and a Mank Top.
BTW, “Mank Top” is my expression for a man wearing a tank top (two things that just shouldn’t go together in my opinion). If you’re trying to sweat it out and lose weight by wearing a winter hat, great, but DON’T WEAR A MANK TOP WITH THE WINTER HAT. Isn’t that counter productive?! Wear a huge sweatshirt and sweatpants if you really want to sweat it out and lose weight. What’s the point of wearing the hat if you have on shorts and a mank?? You don’t look edgy at all, and no one is impressed by your flabby arms and tribal tattoo you got in the 90′s.

7.) Bringing workout DVD’s to the GYM.
Ummmm… isn’t the whole point of a workout DVD the convenience of being able to DO IT AT HOME? For the days you DON’T GO TO THE GYM? Omg. This might be my biggest pet peeve of them all. People literally bring their laptops to the gym, occupy an entire studio, and do their P90X routines for all the world to see. WTF? Just roll out of bed and do it at home! That’s the whole point!!

8.) Excessive Socializing.
“Dooood I was at the gym or like 3 hour last night, brah. I was absolutely CRUSHING it”. Ummm no, you were doing the gorilla walk with your juicehead friends, comparing biceps and bench press abilities, while trying to talk to girls who wanted nothing to do with you. Nice try, brah. If you’re going to the gym, go and do what you’re supposed to do at the gym, WORK OUT.

 

Okay, sorry, I’m done. Just had to get that out there. When I open my own gym, I’m posting this list and allowing members to kick anyone doing any of these things.

🙂

-ES

 

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28 thoughts on “You’re Not as Jacked as You Think You Are

  1. Absolutely spot on. I used to work in a gym that had a lot of really skinny teen boys, and they did a majority of what you stated above. They were all really skinny and would lift their shirts to flex their skinny stomachs, showing off to their friends. As far as grunting and excessive noise goes, it is overkill for sure. I may breathe a little harder on exertion with heavier sets, but I wouldn’t be caught dead grunting. Nice post.

  2. I had to comment on this one! Another one of my gym pet peeves includes women who wear clothing that is not gym appropriate with fully done make-up and spend more time walking around the gym in their outfits than actually working out.

    #7 is hilarious! Paying a gym membership just to do a dvd workout…interesting

  3. RIGHT ON!!!! I could not stop laughing while reading this post. My boyfriend and I have had the conversation of gym pet peeves. I also agree with the comment above, girls who come all “done up” to the gym. seriously!?
    xoxo

  4. This post made me laugh out loud! I don’t like when you see people either walking around the track or on a machine while they are talking on their cell phone. Must you have your phone glued to you head at all times??

    I love the one about Manks… I find that they are lots of those tap out shirts turned in to Manks at my gym. They also remind me of when I see men wearing “Jorts” in the summer haha

  5. I agree 100%! My work gym is weird enough because it’s a bunch of corporate types in a very small space, but one guy always brought his iPad to do P90X. He must have caught my evil stares so now he brings his workouts on his iPhone but leaves it perched on top of the free weights – why?!?! And the female trainer/manager wears gloves to deadlift – ready? – a 12 pound weighted dowel. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one face-palming through my workouts.

  6. LOL Love it!
    As well as cell phones and fashion shows my pet peeve at the gym is the family/friends who come with members for a free visit. It’s a fantastic idea, great support for the member & motivation for the new person except… they spend the whole damn time talking and lounging on the equipment! GAH! I want to walk over to them and drop 10lbs weights in their hands and tell them to start curling.

  7. Love! I also detest the cell phone glued to the face and incessant shouting into it. But I have two more. I hate when a girl comes in in her color coordinated outfit complete with matching shoes, does two minutes on the rowing machine, two minutes on the treadmill, then wipes her forehead (to remove the tremendous amount of sweat), drinks a whole bottle of water like she’s been running a marathon, then leaves. Seriously? Man the fuck up and get back in here! Number 2 is anyone who leaves their nasty ass sweat on the machines and expects you to wipe it off. Gross.

  8. I agree with all except the grunting, which I used to agree with before it started to happen involutarily. Whether it is just psychological, or there is actually a physical aspect to it, for those last one or two reps, evidently the most important for making gains, growling does help. I have especially noticed with pullups. Furthermore, when I am at mile 30 on my bike, battling a 25mph headwind, the Metallica rawring in my ears only helps so much.

  9. Thank you… I generally pretty much ignore everyone around me while getting my sweat on at the gym, but now I find myself laughing at least once a workout when I notice someone who fits something from your list :-p I’ve got others in on the party now too for sure… My friend crosses the gym to point them out! Hahahaha you two are endless entertainment. 🙂

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